I won't back down...

 

Ps 143:5-11

 I remember the days of old.
I ponder all your great works.
I think about what you have done.
I reach out for you.
I thirst for you as parched land thirsts for rain.

 Come quickly, LORD, and answer me,
for my depression deepens.
Don't turn away from me, or I will die.
Let me hear of your unfailing love to me in the morning,
for I am trusting you.
Show me where to walk, for I have come to you in prayer.

 Save me from my enemies, LORD;
I run to you to hide me.
Teach me to do your will, for you are my God.

May your gracious Spirit lead me forward
on a firm footing.
For the glory of your name, O LORD, save me.
In your righteousness, bring me out of this distress. 

 

 

And lately...we've been fighting A LOT!

 

 

Today is one of those days where out of the blue, I find myself "grieving" for my life before lupus; thinking of things that were easier, things that were possible. Spontaneity is certainly gone. Before lupus, I didn't wake up and say, "wow, I'm pain free today, I'll appreciate that later," although now I look back and appreciate in hindsight.  I didn't have to weigh the consequences of almost every action against what it will "cost" me, physically and emotionally. I didn't appreciate being a "normal" person who could cook, clean, shop, teach...

 

I'm not one to "wallow," but every once in a while, a good cry works wonders. 

 

So, before lupus...

 I didn't have to take 18 pills a day, along with monthly shots, blood tests, and chemo infusions.

Before lupus...

I didn't have nearly as many "ologists" as doctors: rheumatologist, dermatologist, hematologist, neurologist, gastroenterologist, cardiologist, retinal ophthalmologist, urologist,
bad attitude-oligist (just kidding...sort of)

Before lupus...

I didn't need a cane, sun protective clothing, a mask to prevent me breathing in germs, or three different anti-nausea meds in my purse. 

 

Before lupus...

I could say "yes" without much thought, I could get by on 4 hours of sleep, I could clean the house, do laundry and then go out on a date with my hubby all in one day.

Before lupus...

 

I was not a runner.

 

 

 

I didn't know the satisfaction found in hauling myself out of bed before dawn to struggle through 5 tough miles while repeating the mantra "don't puke, don't puke, don't puke..." I didn't know the joy of marathon training in summer, or the delight of a 10 mile run in a single-digit wind chill. I didn't know how cool it was to actually wear out a pair of sneakers or the invisible thrill of the kids on the school bus waving to me out the window every morning. I didn't know that our blue heron stalks along the creek bed in the early morning mist. I'd forgotten how God smiles through the dappled sunlight shining through the leaves, how He cheers me on through the birds' songs and open-mouthed, pink-tongued  grins from dogs being walked, or how a simple thumbs up from another runner can carry you through at least another half-mile.

 

I have decided...lupus takes a lot of things without my permission,

but one thing it CANNOT have is my joy. 

 

I have determined, that even on days like today, on these "grieving" days,

that although my joy may be a bit elusive,

it will NOT be lost.

 

 

A bad case of bronchitis, and subsequent lupus flare, have kept me from doing a lot of running this month. I did some running in May and part of June, then some walking, and then some "resting." My aim is to resume training next week. I am hoping to add some swimming to my running and weight training. Since completing the Capital City Half Marathon on May 4th, I also did an armed forces 10K in memory of two friends, Rich and Duck, who gave their all.

 

 

 

 I also did a "virtual" 5K with my lupus buddy, Bernadette. She ran in Houston while I ran here in Waynesburg! How cool is that?!

 

On May 18, I ran the Westminster Women's Classic 10 miler.

 

 

 

I've also had three brushes with heat exhaustion and am definitely learning how to listen to my body while running. My "heat threshold" is rather low, so I have to be careful. Scary stuff!

 

June 1st, I completed the Deckers Creek Half Marathon in Morgantown, WV. That was one of the heat exhaustion incidents...but I finished.

I completed a special "Run for Dad" 10K, and presented my dad with the medal on Father's Day.

 

I completed the "Run For Boston" ~ 26.2 miles (in a week) as a tribute and fundraiser for the

Boston Marathon bombing victims.

 

And, I'm really excited to share that on May 31st, as a part of Team Samaritan's Purse, I completed a fundraiser 5K on the streets of my neighborhood to raise funds for tornado disaster relief work that Samaritan's Purse is doing in Oklahoma, Texas, and other mid-western areas. Together, with the generous support of lots of friends, neighbors and relatives, we raised $1,100 in two weeks!

Praise the Lord! Please continue to pray for the disaster victims and the volunteers who are helping them put things back together, in Jesus' name.

 

 

 

I'm also in the midst of a 100 mile challenge, which is a fund-raiser for diabetes research. The goal is to complete 100 miles in one month, but I received permission to extend my time limit a bit as I've had two weeks with no running at all due to bronchitis and lupus. So, let's just say I hit the pause button on that run, and when I start training again, I'll start recording again. I still plan to do the 100 miles over just 4 weeks of running...but that four weeks will be split between two months.

 

And...I'm still working to complete my challenge of 1 half marathon per month from May through October.  Next up is the Burgers and Beer Half Marathon in July, the Columbus Half Marathon (Canal Winchester, Ohio) in August, the Rock and Roll Half Marathon in Virginia Beach in September, and the Atlantic City Half Marathon in October. A few other 5 and 10 K's, and one 15K, are on my calendar as well.

 

 

Join me in the journey...

 



 

 

 

 

I Won't Back Down by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers

(click on the words above for a link to the song)

 

 Well I won't back down
No I won't back down
You can stand me up at the gates of Hell
But I won't back down

No I'll stand my ground
Won't be turned around
And I'll keep this world from dragging me down
Gonna stand my ground
And I won't back down

Hey baby, there ain't no easy way out
Hey yeah, I'll stand my ground
And I won't back down

Well I know what's right
I got just one life
In a world that keeps on pushing me around
but I'll stand my ground
And I won't back down

Hey baby, there ain't no easy way out
Hey yeah, I'll stand my ground
And I won't back down

Hey baby, there ain't no easy way out
Hey yeah, I'll stand my ground
And I won't back down

No I won't back down

Mike Campbell, guitarist extraordinaire...