Psalm 66:16-17
“Come and listen, all you who fear God; let me tell
you what the Lord has done for me. I cried out to Him with my mouth; His praise
was on my tongue.”
I have a wonderful
praise to share, but it requires some background information. Thanks in advance
to those who take the time to read all of this, and check out the links. They
are a part of the story. Please open and listen to as many of them as you can. The links may be opened by clicking on the blue-lettered sections. I pray you will be blessed.
Many of you (and I want
all of you to know this…) also know that I love the Lord God Almighty: Father
God, Jesus Christ the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I want Him to be glorified by
all that happens in my life, and my reactions to those happenings. In October
2012, I was reading a devotional sent to me by a friend. The devotional
contained this challenge: “Choose something you could never imagine doing on
your own, ask the Lord if He would have you do it and, if so, that He would do
it with you, supplying what you need. However, don’t expect God to do it all.
You must be willing to give all that you can and trust that God will supply
what you need to complete this task. When it’s done, share it with others and
give God all the glory. But while you’re on the journey, let it be something
special between you and the Lord. Don’t tell everyone about it until you’re
done.”
I decided to accept the challenge, and began
to pray for God to show me what I might endeavor to undertake. One word came to
me, very strongly: RUN. I thought, “I’m already running, so this is going to
have to be something I could never think of accomplishing.” Right after that, I
found (by accident? no—by divine appointment) an advertisement for the Run to
Read Half Marathon. The date for the race was January 6, 2013. So, let’s review
for a few minutes: I have lupus, a chronic disease which affects my lungs,
skin, joints, nervous system, blood and other organ systems. I frequently get
sick, really sick. In mid-2012, there was a 4 month period when I couldn’t
drive or do things like go to the store or doctor appointments by myself. It
was discovered that my retinas had been damaged and lupus was attacking my
nervous system. I walked with a cane. I was dizzy all the time and had some
serious heart rhythm issues. I was also really sad during the month of June.
This song was helpful to me during that time: “Learning the World” by Mary
Chapin Carpenter.
“Learning
the World” by Mary Chapin Carpenter
Grief rides quietly on the passenger side
Unwanted company on a long, long drive
It turns down the quiet songs and turns up the din
It goes where you go, it’s been where you’ve been
And pushing your empty cart mile after mile
Leaves you weeping in the wilderness of the supermarket aisle
And in the late night kitchen light it sits in a chair
Watching you pretend that it’s not really there
But it is, so it is and you ask
Are you predator or friend
The future or the past?
It hands you your overcoat and opens the door
You are learning the world again, just as before
But the first time was childhood
And now you are grown
Broken wide open, cut to the bone
And all that you used to know is of no use at all
The same eyes you’ve always had have you walking into walls
And the same heart can’t understand
Why it’s so hard to feel
What used to be true
What’s now so unreal
But it is, so it is and you say
I wish I were the wind so that I could blow away
Grief sits silently on the edge of your bed
It’s closing your eyes, it’s stroking your head
The dear old companion is taking up air
Watching you pretend that it’s not really there
In May 2012, I was
scared; in June 2012, I was sad; in roughly late-July 2012…I got MAD and
demanded the doctors start DOING SOMETHING. Things improved somewhat then (I
think it had a lot to do with high doses of steroids!) Then, I had asthmatic
bronchitis, acute sinusitis, pertussis and pleurisy ALL in the month of
September. Getting back to my original train of thought…So, I have lupus, this
race would be 13.1 miles, that’s 8 miles further than I’d ever run at that
point. The race is in JANUARY on a rail trail along the Monongahela River. I
would have JUST enough time to train for it (ten weeks) if I started right
away. So…I did start training right away, following an online plan. I asked two
prayer partners to pray for a special physical and spiritual journey I was
undertaking, but shared no more about it. Along the way, I asked 3 or 4 others
to pray for this special journey, and once asked friends to pray for an
unspoken request. I ran outside in the rain, wind, snow, dark…just like the
postman! I actually enjoyed rainy runs, as long as the wind wasn’t too strong.
“Keep Pushin’” by
REO Speedwagon
I used to be lonely
till I learned about living alone
I found other things to keep my mind on
And I'm getting to know myself a little bit better
Whoa, I keep pushin' on
Keep pushin' on, yeah
Going through all the changes
I made so many mistakes, oh yes I did
Trying to leave behind the heartaches
And sometimes I think I was a little bit crazy, oh yeah
Whoa, I keep pushin' on
(chorus)
Keep pushin', keep pushin', keep pushin', keep pushin' on
Keep pushin', keep pushin', you know you have got to be so strong
Keep pushin', keep pushin', well even if you think your strength is gone
Keep pushin' on
Well it's comin' together
I finally feel like a man
oh yes I do
I never thought that I'd be where I am
Oh every day I wake a little bit higher
Whoa I keep pushin' on, oh yeah
Some days I would get a
clear signal from the Holy Spirit that my body needed a day off, and I
listened. Some days I WANTED a day off, by the Holy Spirit said to get out
there, so I did. The Lord even provided a way for me to run on days the roads
were covered with ice. One of Ben’s co-workers moved recently, and his
treadmill ended up in our UNHEATED garage. I ran on that four times in December,
and our garage temperature was a balmy 30 degrees.
While I was running, I
enjoyed some very special fellowship time with the Lord. I wasn’t praying the
entire time, but sometimes I was. He was ministering to me: body, mind and
spirit. While running, the Lord would give me discernment about certain issues,
ideas for church and choir ministries with which I am involved, remind me of
people I needed to get in touch with. While I was physically occupied, God
could have my mind. He showed me things about myself: some good and some things
that needed to change. He was cleansing me. He would prompt me to pray for the
people who lived in the houses I was running by, or who were driving the cars
that went past me (even though many of them were giving me strange looks!) and
even to pray for the people who were singing in my headphones. Sometimes I
would be running with my arms raised to the sky and other times I would be
running with tears streaming down my face.
“I Am Nothing” by Pierce Pettis
I stutter when I try
To speak the language of life
I want to shout out loud
But I just cry inside
Sometimes it feels so holy
Sometimes so absurd
So who am I to try and
Put that into words
I am nothing
But the angels sometimes whisper in
my ears
Yeah, they tell me things and then
they disappear
Though I am nothing
Sometimes I like to make believe I
hear
I stumble when I try
To walk the straight and narrow
I’ve heard it said, God’s eye
Is on the lowly sparrow
Who, in spite of everything will
sing for all he’s worth
Sometimes you know I feel exactly
like that bird
I am nothing
But the angels sometimes whisper in
my ears
Yeah, they tell me things and then
they disappear
Though I am nothing
Sometimes I like to make believe I
hear
I am nothing
During the course of my training, I did
encounter physical obstacles. In early November, I fell and sprained my coccyx,
(that’s the tailbone, folks). I had joint
pain and pulled muscles. I was (and still am) receiving monthly chemo infusions
of a drug for lupus. Lupus was attacking my blood, making my anemia worse. I
had the normal lupus woes like fatigue, heart and lung issues, fevers, etc. I was in the emergency room twice, had two
severe allergic reactions and an episode of unexplained bleeding and abdominal
pain (ten days before the race).
There were unexpected
encouragements, too. I met a lady at my infusion center in early December, who
saw that I was wearing a t-shirt from a 5K I ran on Thanksgiving. She asked if
I was a runner and we got to talking, which led to talking about the Lord. I
really felt God sent her to me at that specific time to encourage me to keep on
going. I know there were many people praying for me during the last part of
2012, and I could feel their prayers helping me. I believe in the power of
prayer. Yet, throughout my training, I was still unsure I could do this task—it
was in the realm of the “unknown.” I hate to wait, but I would have to wait and
see, and wait on the Lord. Isa 40:31says, “But those who wait on the LORD shall
renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall
run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.”
Tom
Petty says, “The waiting is the hardest part. Every day you see one more card.
You take it on faith; you take it from the heart. The waiting is the hardest
part.”
“The
Waiting” by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
I
like to listen to music—all kinds of music— when I run. This song came at
another time when I felt like I was chasing the wind instead of a promise:
“The
Middle” by Jimmy Eats World
Hey,
don't write yourself off yet
it’s only in your head you feel left out or looked down on.
Just TRY your best, TRY everything you can.
And don't you worry what they tell themselves when you're away.
Chorus:
It just takes some time,
Little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything, everything will be just fine, everything,
everything will be alright, alright.
Hey, you know they're all the same.
You know you're doing better on your own, so don't buy in.
Live right now. You just be yourself.
It doesn't matter if it's good enough for someone else.
Chorus
Hey, don't write yourself off yet.
It's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on.
Just do your best, do everything you can.
And don't you worry what their bitter hearts are gonna say.
And this was song that
was playing when I crossed the finish line of the 2013 Run to Read Half
Marathon at Prickett’s Fort State Park in Fairmont, West Virginia:
“How He Loves” by David
Crowder Band
He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane; I am a tree,
bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
and I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.
And oh, how He loves us oh,
oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all
Oh how he loves,
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh! How He loves us,
Oh! How He loves us,
Oh! How He loves.
And we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If His grace is an ocean, we're all sinking.
And Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don't have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way...
Oh, how He loves us oh,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all
How He loves
I didn’t
plan for that song to be playing. It just came up on my mp3 right when the
finish line came into view. That, my friends, is NOT a coincidence. Here’s a
photo Ben took of me when I was near the finish line. I was really emotional at
this point, though it might be hard to see my expression in this photo. I was
trying to hold back the sobs.
Around mile
10, the weather had changed, the sun had gone behind the hill and it had gotten
much colder very quickly. I had to walk a large portion of mile 11. If someone had asked me during mile 11 if I
wanted to stop, I think I would have said yes. I felt like I was “Running on
Empty,” to quote Jackson Browne.
“Running On Empty” by Jackson Browne
I was all
alone on the trail at this point. There were others walking, but they were
somewhat behind me. The “hardcore” runners had all doubled back and finished.
It was getting darker and colder. I had injured my left foot somehow and each
step was very painful. I cried out, audibly to God, “I can’t do it. Please,
please help me.”
“Keep
putting one foot in front of the other and we’ll get there,” was His reply.
And, somehow, I did. I got a burst of energy and was able to start running
again, and crossed the finish line running. Here’s another photo of me, about
to cross the finish line, with “How He Loves” blaring in my earphones.
I just love the look on
my face in this photo. I wish we could see the angels who were lifting me up at
this point, carrying me on to the goal. I’ll
post some other photos separately on Facebook. I could not have made this
journey without the support and love of my husband, Ben. He let me go out on
days he thought I shouldn’t, and even came looking for me with the car a few
times! He understood when getting my run in was the extent of my activity for
the entire day. Truly this is a man who loves me with the love of Christ.
And
so…I still have lupus. The day after the race, we were in Pittsburgh for a bio-chemo infusion of a new drug for lupus--Benlysta, and an appointment with an autoimmune neurologist. Instead of letting all of it drive me insane, I’m letting it
drive me closer to the Lord. So, what’s next for me? More running, for sure; I
love how it makes me feel. God has lots more to teach me, too. Also, more
trusting, more praying, and, I hope, an even more intimate relationship with
Jesus Christ. It’s fun to tell “my” story, but I want to be part of telling the
GREATER story of (as Rich Mullins says) “the reckless, raging fury that we call
the love of God.”
"The Love of God" by Rich Mullins
There's a wideness in God's mercy
I cannot find in my own
And He keeps His fire burning
To melt this heart of stone
Keeps me aching with a yearning
Keeps me glad to have been caught
In the reckless raging fury
That they call the love of God
Now I've seen no band of angels
But I've heard the soldiers' songs
Love hangs over them like a banner
Love within them leads them on
To the battle on the journey
And it's never gonna stop
Ever widening their mercies
And the fury of His love
Oh the love of God
And oh, the love of God
The love of God
Joy and sorrow are this ocean
And in their every ebb and flow
Now the Lord a door has opened
That all Hell could never close
Here I'm tested and made worthy
Tossed about but lifted up
In the reckless raging fury
That they call the love of God
Join me in the journey…
"Take
Up Your Spade" by Sara Watkins
Sun
is up, a new day is before you
Sun is up, wake your sleepy soul
Sun is up, hold on to what is home
Take up your spade and break ground
[ Lyrics from:
http://www.cloverlyrics.com/e86708-sara_watkins~take_up_your_spade_lyrics.html
]
Shake off your shoes,
Leave yesterday behind you
Shake off your shoes,
But forget not where you've been
Shake off your shoes
Forgive and be forgiven
Take up your spade and break ground
Give thanks for all that you've been given
Give thanks for who you can become
Give thanks for each moment and every crumb
Take up your spade and break ground.
Break ground.
Luke 8:4-15
One day Jesus gave this illustration to a
large crowd that was gathering to hear him-while many others were still on the
way, coming from other towns. "A
farmer went out to his field to sow grain. As he scattered the seed on the
ground, some of it fell on a footpath and was trampled on; and the birds came
and ate it as it lay exposed. Other seed
fell on shallow soil with rock beneath. This seed began to grow, but soon
withered and died for lack of moisture. Other seed landed in thistle patches, and the
young grain stalks were soon choked out. Still other fell on fertile soil; this seed
grew and produced a crop one hundred times as large as he had planted."
(As he was giving this illustration he said, "If anyone has listening
ears, use them now!") His apostles
asked him what the story meant. He
replied, "God has granted you to know the meaning of these parables, for
they tell a great deal about the Kingdom of God. But these crowds hear the
words and do not understand, just as the ancient prophets predicted. "This is its meaning: The seed is God's
message to men. The hard path where some
seed fell represents the hard hearts of those who hear the words of God, but
then the devil comes and steals the words away and prevents people from
believing and being saved. The stony
ground represents those who enjoy listening to sermons, but somehow the message
never really gets through to them and doesn't take root and grow. They know the
message is true, and sort of believe for a while; but when the hot winds of
persecution blow, they lose interest. The seed among the thorns represents those who
listen and believe God's words but whose faith afterwards is choked out by
worry and riches and the responsibilities and pleasures of life. And so they
are never able to help anyone else to believe the Good News. "But the good soil represents honest, good-hearted
people. They listen to God's words and cling to them and steadily spread them
to others who also soon believe."
"Take up your spade and break ground..."
"...but come what may, I want to run."
