Accepting the Challenge...

Psalm 66:16-17

“Come and listen, all you who fear God; let me tell you what the Lord has done for me. I cried out to Him with my mouth; His praise was on my tongue.”

 

I have a wonderful praise to share, but it requires some background information. Thanks in advance to those who take the time to read all of this, and check out the links. They are a part of the story. Please open and listen to as many of them as you can. The links may be opened by clicking on the blue-lettered sections. I pray you will be blessed.

 

 

 

Some of you know that I enjoy running. Some of you also know that I have lupus, which makes a regular training schedule for running very difficult to follow. I shared in early October how God helped me complete a 5K after a month of horrible illness. You can find that post on my Facebook page. https://www.facebook.com/#!/photo.php?fbid=291125734325988&set=a.126954940743069.20089.100002856901820&type=1&theater

Many of you (and I want all of you to know this…) also know that I love the Lord God Almighty: Father God, Jesus Christ the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I want Him to be glorified by all that happens in my life, and my reactions to those happenings. In October 2012, I was reading a devotional sent to me by a friend. The devotional contained this challenge: “Choose something you could never imagine doing on your own, ask the Lord if He would have you do it and, if so, that He would do it with you, supplying what you need. However, don’t expect God to do it all. You must be willing to give all that you can and trust that God will supply what you need to complete this task. When it’s done, share it with others and give God all the glory. But while you’re on the journey, let it be something special between you and the Lord. Don’t tell everyone about it until you’re done.”

 

 I decided to accept the challenge, and began to pray for God to show me what I might endeavor to undertake. One word came to me, very strongly: RUN. I thought, “I’m already running, so this is going to have to be something I could never think of accomplishing.” Right after that, I found (by accident? no—by divine appointment) an advertisement for the Run to Read Half Marathon. The date for the race was January 6, 2013. So, let’s review for a few minutes: I have lupus, a chronic disease which affects my lungs, skin, joints, nervous system, blood and other organ systems. I frequently get sick, really sick. In mid-2012, there was a 4 month period when I couldn’t drive or do things like go to the store or doctor appointments by myself. It was discovered that my retinas had been damaged and lupus was attacking my nervous system. I walked with a cane. I was dizzy all the time and had some serious heart rhythm issues. I was also really sad during the month of June. This song was helpful to me during that time: “Learning the World” by Mary Chapin Carpenter.

“Learning the World” by Mary Chapin Carpenter

http://www.myspace.com/marychapincarpenter/music/songs/learning-the-world-87927016

Grief rides quietly on the passenger side
Unwanted company on a long, long drive
It turns down the quiet songs and turns up the din
It goes where you go, it’s been where you’ve been

And pushing your empty cart mile after mile
Leaves you weeping in the wilderness of the supermarket aisle
And in the late night kitchen light it sits in a chair
Watching you pretend that it’s not really there

But it is, so it is and you ask
Are you predator or friend
The future or the past?

It hands you your overcoat and opens the door
You are learning the world again, just as before
But the first time was childhood
And now you are grown
Broken wide open, cut to the bone

And all that you used to know is of no use at all
The same eyes you’ve always had have you walking into walls
And the same heart can’t understand
Why it’s so hard to feel
What used to be true
What’s now so unreal

But it is, so it is and you say
I wish I were the wind so that I could blow away

Grief sits silently on the edge of your bed
It’s closing your eyes, it’s stroking your head
The dear old companion is taking up air
Watching you pretend that it’s not really there

 

In May 2012, I was scared; in June 2012, I was sad; in roughly late-July 2012…I got MAD and demanded the doctors start DOING SOMETHING. Things improved somewhat then (I think it had a lot to do with high doses of steroids!) Then, I had asthmatic bronchitis, acute sinusitis, pertussis and pleurisy ALL in the month of September. Getting back to my original train of thought…So, I have lupus, this race would be 13.1 miles, that’s 8 miles further than I’d ever run at that point. The race is in JANUARY on a rail trail along the Monongahela River. I would have JUST enough time to train for it (ten weeks) if I started right away. So…I did start training right away, following an online plan. I asked two prayer partners to pray for a special physical and spiritual journey I was undertaking, but shared no more about it. Along the way, I asked 3 or 4 others to pray for this special journey, and once asked friends to pray for an unspoken request. I ran outside in the rain, wind, snow, dark…just like the postman! I actually enjoyed rainy runs, as long as the wind wasn’t too strong.

“Keep Pushin’” by REO Speedwagon

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bCFkSAqqMLs

I used to be lonely
till I learned about living alone
I found other things to keep my mind on
And I'm getting to know myself a little bit better
Whoa, I keep pushin' on
Keep pushin' on, yeah

Going through all the changes
I made so many mistakes, oh yes I did
Trying to leave behind the heartaches
And sometimes I think I was a little bit crazy, oh yeah
Whoa, I keep pushin' on

(chorus)
Keep pushin', keep pushin', keep pushin', keep pushin' on
Keep pushin', keep pushin', you know you have got to be so strong
Keep pushin', keep pushin', well even if you think your strength is gone
Keep pushin' on

Well it's comin' together
I finally feel like a man
oh yes I do
I never thought that I'd be where I am
Oh every day I wake a little bit higher
Whoa I keep pushin' on, oh yeah

Some days I would get a clear signal from the Holy Spirit that my body needed a day off, and I listened. Some days I WANTED a day off, by the Holy Spirit said to get out there, so I did. The Lord even provided a way for me to run on days the roads were covered with ice. One of Ben’s co-workers moved recently, and his treadmill ended up in our UNHEATED garage. I ran on that four times in December, and our garage temperature was a balmy 30 degrees. 



 

While I was running, I enjoyed some very special fellowship time with the Lord. I wasn’t praying the entire time, but sometimes I was. He was ministering to me: body, mind and spirit. While running, the Lord would give me discernment about certain issues, ideas for church and choir ministries with which I am involved, remind me of people I needed to get in touch with. While I was physically occupied, God could have my mind. He showed me things about myself: some good and some things that needed to change. He was cleansing me. He would prompt me to pray for the people who lived in the houses I was running by, or who were driving the cars that went past me (even though many of them were giving me strange looks!) and even to pray for the people who were singing in my headphones. Sometimes I would be running with my arms raised to the sky and other times I would be running with tears streaming down my face.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gJd11l0fFb0

“I Am Nothing” by Pierce Pettis

 I stutter when I try

To speak the language of life

I want to shout out loud

But I just cry inside

Sometimes it feels so holy

Sometimes so absurd

So who am I to try and

Put that into words

 

 I am nothing

But the angels sometimes whisper in my ears

Yeah, they tell me things and then they disappear

Though I am nothing

Sometimes I like to make believe I hear

 I stumble when I try

To walk the straight and narrow

I’ve heard it said, God’s eye

Is on the lowly sparrow

Who, in spite of everything will sing for all he’s worth

Sometimes you know I feel exactly like that bird

 

 I am nothing

But the angels sometimes whisper in my ears

Yeah, they tell me things and then they disappear

Though I am nothing

Sometimes I like to make believe I hear

I am nothing

 

During the course of my training, I did encounter physical obstacles. In early November, I fell and sprained my coccyx, (that’s the tailbone, folks).  I had joint pain and pulled muscles. I was (and still am) receiving monthly chemo infusions of a drug for lupus. Lupus was attacking my blood, making my anemia worse. I had the normal lupus woes like fatigue, heart and lung issues, fevers, etc.  I was in the emergency room twice, had two severe allergic reactions and an episode of unexplained bleeding and abdominal pain (ten days before the race). 

  

 

There were unexpected encouragements, too. I met a lady at my infusion center in early December, who saw that I was wearing a t-shirt from a 5K I ran on Thanksgiving. She asked if I was a runner and we got to talking, which led to talking about the Lord. I really felt God sent her to me at that specific time to encourage me to keep on going. I know there were many people praying for me during the last part of 2012, and I could feel their prayers helping me. I believe in the power of prayer. Yet, throughout my training, I was still unsure I could do this task—it was in the realm of the “unknown.” I hate to wait, but I would have to wait and see, and wait on the Lord. Isa 40:31says, “But those who wait on the LORD shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.”

Tom Petty says, “The waiting is the hardest part. Every day you see one more card. You take it on faith; you take it from the heart. The waiting is the hardest part.”

“The Waiting” by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9IXZIqxrj5E

I like to listen to music—all kinds of music— when I run. This song came at another time when I felt like I was chasing the wind instead of a promise:

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-PrPpqi44M  “It just takes some time! Little girl, you’re in the middle of the ride. Everything, everything will be just fine…” 

“The Middle” by Jimmy Eats World

 

Hey, don't write yourself off yet
it’s only in your head you feel left out or looked down on.
Just TRY your best, TRY everything you can.
And don't you worry what they tell themselves when you're away.

Chorus:
It just takes some time,
Little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything, everything will be just fine, everything,
everything will be alright, alright.

Hey, you know they're all the same.
You know you're doing better on your own, so don't buy in.
Live right now. You just be yourself.
It doesn't matter if it's good enough for someone else.

Chorus

Hey, don't write yourself off yet.
It's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on.
Just do your best, do everything you can.
And don't you worry what their bitter hearts are gonna say.

And this was song that was playing when I crossed the finish line of the 2013 Run to Read Half Marathon at Prickett’s Fort State Park in Fairmont, West Virginia:

 “How He Loves” by David Crowder Band

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2FxaUYjRtkc

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane; I am a tree,
bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
and I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us oh,
oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

Oh how he loves,
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh! How He loves us,
Oh! How He loves us,
Oh! How He loves.

And we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If His grace is an ocean, we're all sinking.
And Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don't have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way...

Oh, how He loves us oh,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all
How He loves

I didn’t plan for that song to be playing. It just came up on my mp3 right when the finish line came into view. That, my friends, is NOT a coincidence. Here’s a photo Ben took of me when I was near the finish line. I was really emotional at this point, though it might be hard to see my expression in this photo. I was trying to hold back the sobs.

 

 

Around mile 10, the weather had changed, the sun had gone behind the hill and it had gotten much colder very quickly. I had to walk a large portion of mile 11.  If someone had asked me during mile 11 if I wanted to stop, I think I would have said yes. I felt like I was “Running on Empty,” to quote Jackson Browne.

“Running On Empty” by Jackson Browne

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zdHg4QEmBvk

I was all alone on the trail at this point. There were others walking, but they were somewhat behind me. The “hardcore” runners had all doubled back and finished. It was getting darker and colder. I had injured my left foot somehow and each step was very painful. I cried out, audibly to God, “I can’t do it. Please, please help me.”

“Keep putting one foot in front of the other and we’ll get there,” was His reply. And, somehow, I did. I got a burst of energy and was able to start running again, and crossed the finish line running. Here’s another photo of me, about to cross the finish line, with “How He Loves” blaring in my earphones.

 

I just love the look on my face in this photo. I wish we could see the angels who were lifting me up at this point, carrying me on to the goal.  I’ll post some other photos separately on Facebook. I could not have made this journey without the support and love of my husband, Ben. He let me go out on days he thought I shouldn’t, and even came looking for me with the car a few times! He understood when getting my run in was the extent of my activity for the entire day. Truly this is a man who loves me with the love of Christ.

            And so…I still have lupus. The day after the race, we were in Pittsburgh for a bio-chemo infusion of a new drug for lupus--Benlysta, and an appointment with an autoimmune neurologist. Instead of letting all of it drive me insane, I’m letting it drive me closer to the Lord. So, what’s next for me? More running, for sure; I love how it makes me feel. God has lots more to teach me, too. Also, more trusting, more praying, and, I hope, an even more intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. It’s fun to tell “my” story, but I want to be part of telling the GREATER story of (as Rich Mullins says) “the reckless, raging fury that we call the love of God.”

"The Love of God" by Rich Mullins

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NITX93fvM0A

There's a wideness in God's mercy
I cannot find in my own
And He keeps His fire burning
To melt this heart of stone
Keeps me aching with a yearning
Keeps me glad to have been caught
In the reckless raging fury
That they call the love of God
Now I've seen no band of angels
But I've heard the soldiers' songs
Love hangs over them like a banner
Love within them leads them on
To the battle on the journey
And it's never gonna stop
Ever widening their mercies
And the fury of His love
Oh the love of God
And oh, the love of God
The love of God
Joy and sorrow are this ocean
And in their every ebb and flow
Now the Lord a door has opened
That all Hell could never close
Here I'm tested and made worthy
Tossed about but lifted up
In the reckless raging fury
That they call the love of God

 

Join me in the journey…

 

"Take Up Your Spade" by Sara Watkins

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=skE-Y8c3VtE

Sun is up, a new day is before you
Sun is up, wake your sleepy soul
Sun is up, hold on to what is home
Take up your spade and break ground
[ Lyrics from: http://www.cloverlyrics.com/e86708-sara_watkins~take_up_your_spade_lyrics.html ]
Shake off your shoes,
Leave yesterday behind you
Shake off your shoes,
But forget not where you've been
Shake off your shoes
Forgive and be forgiven
Take up your spade and break ground

Give thanks for all that you've been given
Give thanks for who you can become
Give thanks for each moment and every crumb
Take up your spade and break ground.
Break ground.

 

Luke 8:4-15

 One day Jesus gave this illustration to a large crowd that was gathering to hear him-while many others were still on the way, coming from other towns.  "A farmer went out to his field to sow grain. As he scattered the seed on the ground, some of it fell on a footpath and was trampled on; and the birds came and ate it as it lay exposed.  Other seed fell on shallow soil with rock beneath. This seed began to grow, but soon withered and died for lack of moisture.  Other seed landed in thistle patches, and the young grain stalks were soon choked out.  Still other fell on fertile soil; this seed grew and produced a crop one hundred times as large as he had planted." (As he was giving this illustration he said, "If anyone has listening ears, use them now!")  His apostles asked him what the story meant.  He replied, "God has granted you to know the meaning of these parables, for they tell a great deal about the Kingdom of God. But these crowds hear the words and do not understand, just as the ancient prophets predicted.  "This is its meaning: The seed is God's message to men.  The hard path where some seed fell represents the hard hearts of those who hear the words of God, but then the devil comes and steals the words away and prevents people from believing and being saved.  The stony ground represents those who enjoy listening to sermons, but somehow the message never really gets through to them and doesn't take root and grow. They know the message is true, and sort of believe for a while; but when the hot winds of persecution blow, they lose interest.  The seed among the thorns represents those who listen and believe God's words but whose faith afterwards is choked out by worry and riches and the responsibilities and pleasures of life. And so they are never able to help anyone else to believe the Good News.  "But the good soil represents honest, good-hearted people. They listen to God's words and cling to them and steadily spread them to others who also soon believe."

 "Take up your spade and break ground..."

 

 

"...but come what may, I want to run."